places to go, people to see, tears to cry...

Sorry I've been offline again team - I have returned today from an awesome trip to central NY. Growing up on an island, I don't know if I will ever get used to the idea of driving to another country. But that's what I did over the past few days. I had places to go and people to see...

The edges of things: flags marking the US/ Canada border (with UN flag in the middle) on the Peace Bridge border crossing at sunset last nite.

Places to go.

No, not New York city; New York state. I lived for five years in Central NY (well, three and a half technically, but that's a long story) and so I went back to visit some friends. I travelled to the hotspots of Ithaca (the town I lived in between 2000 and 2004), Utica, Syracuse and - for a mere snippet of time - Buffalo. Finally, last nite I drove across the border back to Canada and went to Hamilton which is the city where Nadine lives, about an hour south of Toronto. I drove the final leg of the journey home this afternoon, taking advantage of the rental car to stop in an IKEA and a gigantic supermarket.

I love driving: I love road trips with other people, and I love driving alone. I enjoy the time I get to spend just thinking... often not in a structured 'no I must solve this dilemma' way... just spending time looking and driving and perhaps singing a bit to the radio seems to put my brain out of gear for long enough for it to do some actual thinking. Things 'occur' to me while I'm driving... I have realisations. And so, after a month here in Canada and with many big things to think about, I decided to drive down to CNY.

Once I got off the interstate, I wound my way down state and county roads, eventually twisting alongside Cayuga Lake, at the end of which sits Ithaca. And on the hill beside Ithaca is Cornell, perched up there like the very incarnation of an ivory tower, holding on to the jutting rock between deep gashes in the landscape which keep water flowing into the lake. 'Ithaca is Gorges' according to the famous green tshirts, and it is.

Just before Ithaca, though, I pulled over to take a photo of another sight which is unique to the rolling hills and flowing water of the surrounding region:


Public display of ignorance, CNY roadside. Perhaps this photo could be called "Ideological roadkill."


Yep, Cayuga Lake shares its name with the Cayuga Nation, an American Indian community which (along with the five others; Mohawk, Oneida, Onondaga, Seneca and Tuscarora) is part of the Haudenosaunee or Iroquois Confederacy. Yep, Cayuga Nation has been in Ithaca since long before it had a Greek name and an Ivy university. And now, some of these Johnny Come Lately local settlers are a little irate that these Indians want to actually be recognised as such. The signs such as the one in the photo above are supposed to suggest that Cayuga Nation is not a "sovereign nation" and therefore should not have a reservation. Oh, the complex and deep politics of Indian-white relations in CNY. There's just no escaping it!

People to see.

The main reason I went to Ithaca was to visit my dear friend Lauren who has not one but two baby sons! Her twin boys Alex and Holden are adorable - and arrived quite early and so have soldiered (with Lauren and Jed) through a myriad of health complications over the past months. It was awesome and amazing to spend time with Lauren, and Jed was such a lovely supportive husband and host while I was there. The boys are great fun and have very different personalities. Can't wait to see them again!

I also caught up with an awesome Maori student who has just started his PhD in Economics at Cornell! Hautahi was great - keen, smart, fun, enthusiastic, sociable. He'll love Cornell and it will love him back. I hadn't met him in NZ but I heard he was in Ithaca so tracked him down (thanks Amy Gale). We met for coffee and a bagel and I quizzed him on what he was doing and tried to impart some of my hard earned knowledge and memories from Cornell days :) Amy came and met up with us at the end of our catch up, and she and I dropped Hautahi at a rugby game before we headed out for a gossip and, in the mid afternoon I left town...

And drove to Utica, NY. I hadn't been to Utica before but it is where my friend Katherine lives. She was one of the Americans who drove here for my birthday a couple of weeks ago so I told her I'd repay the favour. Her birthday party was great - an awesome mix of people and literally over a hundred cupcakes made by her husband Thomas (even more impressive because his allergy to sugar means he can't eat any - he can't even lick the bowl or his own finger while baking!). In the morning I relaxed and chilled out with them and their lovely fun little girl, Matilda, and in the late morning I left town...

And drove to Syracuse, only an hour away from Utica (unless you ahem get ahem lost). Syracuse was a real base when I was in Ithaca because it was only an hour away and it was a much bigger airport (as in, planes bigger than 12 seaters and more than one airline) and had much bigger shops. It also had (drumroll here, which could be mistaken for a grumbling tummy!) Dinosaur BBQ, the yummiest deliciousnest awesomest biker bar BBQ place in the world. Well, in the region anyway. So, I went to Dinosaur BBQ to meet up with another Maori student doing a PhD - Hayley, who is doing a PhD in Education at Syracuse University. She was heaps of fun, clever, interesting and (by virtue of the fact we agreed on lots of things haha) very awesome! She's doing really great graduate work and it was a good opportunity to put an actual face to the name of someone I know only through facebook! After I ate half a pig and quarter of a chicken (or so it felt), in the late afternoon I left town...

And drove to Hamilton. You know what happened there because I've already told you: I stayed at Nadines, and we talked and talked until very late. This morning I dropped her off at her university so she could teach her class, and in the late morning I left town...

And came home. So many people! So many conversations... so many amazing, awesome talented, smart, connected, fabulous people!

Tears to cry

While I drove yesterday I found myself thinking about things and, before long, crying. I had to keep taking off my sunglasses to wipe my tears off my cheeks and when I would put them back on I could feel the cold remnants of tears clinging to the ridge of the glasses frame. 

Don't worry, I wasn't crying because I am falling apart or because things are going badly here. If anything, I was crying because things are going so well. I knew that I needed a chance to cry, and I'm glad I had the chance to grieve.I knew this would happen - it's the point of te tau okioki, I suppose, to have the chance to reflect on things.

Returning the favour of looking at home from here: looking at the Canadian border through my poi.

I was crying for myself, and also for my people. Now I am so far away from home things are blurrier in some ways but much clearer in others.

I wasn't crying for our past, I was crying for our future.

Because right now it's hard to imagine what our possible futures might look like: for Maori in universities; for Maori students and scholars; for our iwi; for my heart.