So, it's nearing the end of January. Megan and Matiu go home at the beginning of next week, and I fly to Hawaii. The list of things 'to do' is being rivalled by a parallel list: 'things I should have done by now.'
When I started this sabbatical, I thought I would have time to read, write and relax. It turns out that once you take on a few commitments, realise just how much you needed to relax (read: sleep, ecause you haven't done that enough for the past few years), and then take on another few commitments, things start to get out of control.
I thought that by now I'd be looking at a virtually-empty email inbox, that 'i's would be dotted and 't's crossed. That somehow I would be a different, better me. I am starting to realise, though, that sabbatical isn't a chance to be a better me but a chance to find out how to be me in a better way.
I'm a procrastinator, an over-committer and a person who doesn't take enough time to relax (and then needs to compensate at some point). I tend to think things will happen more quickly than they do, that things won't take as long as they do, that I can squeeze just one or two more things into my schedule. A year away from the usual job wasn't going to change that; it was just going to slightly shift the content of my days and the nature of the things I'm trying to squeeze into them.
But hey, it's not all about me. Some other people procrastinate too. They think that the sheer passing of time will magically produce the desired results rather than that the passing of time simply providing opportunities for the same things to take place and the same habits to become entrenched, even where the content and nature shifts a little. They think there's no need to address their bad habits which have become so normal over the years that it's hard to imagine an alternative way they could have been done or, indeed, an alternative way they could be done in the future. They keep putting things off, waiting for another day, pretending there's nothing wrong even though they know deep down that there's something distracting them from being able to relax and be themselves.
Yep, I'm talking about you, Australia.
Today's Australia Day and Invasion Day. Stop putting off the inevitable: suck it up and face your bad habits. Stop pretending it will go away if you ignore it for long enough. Sort it out!