talking in code: talking about place in the 21st century

at JFK.

off to LAX
then HNL.

in a few hours, Megan and Matiu will be following my flight path to LAX
but then they're heading to WLG via SYD.

when did these three letter acronyms become a part of my pepeha?

Ready...

Megan and I are up on the computers, mostly-packed suitcases lined up in the lounge. Matiu is fast asleep. A last small load of washing is whizzing around in the dryer downstairs. We had lunch with Anne & Michelle and their kids, and dinner with Sarah.

This is the last nite in Toronto for Megan and Matiu, and the last nite I'll be here until I get back from Hawaii...

Both of us have been packing for a return 'home,' to places with warmer climates and familiar (and familial) people. Tomorrow we'll have waffles and juice for breakfast and get on a plane for New York City. A final nite together there, tomorrow nite, before we head away to our respective destinations.

And... we're both *stoked* that our bags are packed tonite and we've got the evening in NYC together, because it means that (unlike how last nites together often go) we won't be doing a final panicked pack before leaving~! This means that tomorrow afternoon and evening will be all about Megan, Matiu and me in the big city. We'll get to pick what we want to do, go where we want to go, see what we want to see.

Just the three of us amigos. Bittersweet, relaxed, together.  

countdown...

It's the second to last nite that Megan and Matiu are here with me in Toronto... we farewelled Nadine tonite... bags are mostly packed, things are in piles, passports at the ready. Because I fly to Hawaii for a few days, I'm in the midst of packing too.

Today was lovely: lunch with Daniel, Nadine, Megan and Matiu at Caplansky's, an amazing Jewish Deli that my Saami colleague Rauna had introduced me to a few months ago. After giant piles of meat (yum!), we headed in various directions: Daniel went to start his drive home to Penetanguashene; Matiu and Nadine went to the movies; and Megan and I went to an amazing place called 'Body Blitz' which, contrary to its energetic sounding name, is a women's spa of sorts. Nadine had given Megan and I vouchers to go to Body Blitz for Christmas (and a promise to look after the kid while we were there) and it was awesome!

Basically a version of public baths, the place had a series of pools (a salt pool, a green tea pool, an icy cold pool) as well as a sauna and steam room. They provided you with a plan for a cycle of the pools: soak in a warm pool, cook and sweat in a hot room, freeze yourself in the icy pool, and so on. It was invigorating, sure, but also very relaxing. Megan and I loved it - it was such a treat! Megan and I talked about how the price of such things can seem prohibitive, and for many people it is, but for many people (including us) it is a matter of prioritising - the same amout of money could be frittered away on random food and clothes purchases, for example, but it could be spent on this. Put in these terms, it is still a treat - but not impossible!

We met with Nadine and Matiu at a chocolate cafe, 'Soma,' afterwards - and then all came home to a meal of family favourites: 'Hoku's Brother's Pasta' with salad and garlic bread for the main, and apple and pear crumble for dessert. How delicious.

These days are so precious - it is such a privilege to be here, to get to do this stuff, to have the time and money to do these things... but it's not all about time and money. Sometimes it's about cracking up at a deli over a photo which captured a hilarious shot - sometimes it's about the thoughtfulness of a friend to gift an afternoon with my sister - sometimes it's about hearing Matiu and Nadine talking about the movie they saw (Hugo) with such enthusiasm, even though they were enthusiastic about remarkably different things ('it's about a boy who lives in a railway station' said one; 'it's about film itself and the early 20th century and WWI' said the other) - sometimes it's about making, cooking and sharing a crumble which has been made from something that has, as Matiu proudly explained, become a secret family recipe.

Awesome. Delicious, Precious.

Yum.

late nite questions

I didn't blog last nite and I almost didn't blog tonite either. Late nites sitting up working on things; I find myself working or relaxing with Megan or reading until I'm almost keeling over asleep, then admit defeat and don't blog, preferring sleep to all else.

I'm asking myself a question at the moment. A big one. It comes up more often late at nite - the witching hour, the darkest time, the moments when things seem more stark and more urgent than during the day or early evening - and I have no doubt that in 5 minutes when I'm lying on the couch, in PJs and trying to follow through on my present tiredness by falling fast asleep, I'll be pondering this question once again.

To status quo? Or not to status quo?

p r o c r a s t i n a t i o n

So, it's nearing the end of January. Megan and Matiu go home at the beginning of next week, and I fly to Hawaii. The list of things 'to do' is being rivalled by a parallel list: 'things I should have done by now.'

When I started this sabbatical, I thought I would have time to read, write and relax. It turns out that once you take on a few commitments, realise just how much you needed to relax (read: sleep, ecause you haven't done that enough for the past few years), and then take on another few commitments, things start to get  out of control.

I thought that by now I'd be looking at a virtually-empty email inbox, that 'i's would be dotted and 't's crossed. That somehow I would be a different, better me. I am starting to realise, though, that sabbatical isn't a chance to be a better me but a chance to find out how to be me in a better way.

I'm a procrastinator, an over-committer and a person who doesn't take enough time to relax (and then needs to compensate at some point). I tend to think things will happen more quickly than they do, that things won't take as long as they do, that I can squeeze just one or two more things into my schedule. A year away from the usual job wasn't going to change that; it was just going to slightly shift the content of my days and the nature of the things I'm trying to squeeze into them.

But hey, it's not all about me. Some other people procrastinate too. They think that the sheer passing of time will magically produce the desired results rather than that the passing of time simply providing opportunities for the same things to take place and the same habits to become entrenched, even where the content and nature shifts a little. They think there's no need to address their bad habits which have become so normal over the years that it's hard to imagine an alternative way they could have been done or, indeed, an alternative way they could be done in the future. They keep putting things off, waiting for another day, pretending there's nothing wrong even though they know deep down that there's something distracting them from  being able to relax and be themselves.

Yep, I'm talking about you, Australia.

Today's Australia Day and Invasion Day. Stop putting off the inevitable: suck it up and face your bad habits. Stop pretending it will go away if you ignore it for long enough. Sort it out!

home, then home, then home, then home. then home.

Home.

We're back in Toronto - Megan, Matiu and I left Ohio this morning (sad to leave!) and drove back to Canada, stopping off at a couple of places along the way to make the most of having wheels before we have to take the rental car back tomorrow.

Then home.

Next week I'll be in Hawaii for most of the week! This place is definitely a second home to me - by all kinds of definitions: it's in our lovely shared ocean; I have people there who are like whanau to me; the land is amazing and I have some great memories which connect me to the place.

Then home.

Yep, back to Toronto again for a few days - some teaching, some research, some writing, a bit of packing.

Then home.

Aotearoa. The alpha and omega of 'home' for me. I'm home for just under two weeks, and plan to love every moment! I'm writing a list in my head that's a mile long of food I want to eat, places to go, people to see, etc... I'll also get to see the new home I have bought without actually going inside! - this will be very exciting: my first 'home' in a house-owner-ish sense. Oh, and I'll get to Auckland of course, while I'm there; although Wellington trumps anywhere else for 'home', nothing can replace the years I spent being raised in (and by) the lovely city which Karlo Mila so aptly describes as an octopus... 

Then home.

I'll be back in Toronto by the end of February, and will be coming via Australia... Sydney has become a kind of home to me over the past few years too, especially with Auntie Nanie being there, and now I've got even more relatives who have hopped the ditch and are living it up in Poihakena! After Sydney, I'll be back in Toronto - which will be home until June. But also, I suspect, another place which stays a 'kind of' home for me for much, much longer.

Ohioblog

On Friday we dove down here to Chardon, Ohio, to stay with our dear friend Des and her family (husband  Kevin and gorgeous kids Sam and Jordan). It has been a great few days - quite a bit of talking! Plus some sledding, a marathon trip to an outlet mall for shopping, a snowman & deer in the backyard, heaps of trips down memory lane, giggles and stories with the three boys (Sam, Jordan, Matiu), some great eating, a bit of singing, some pretty dresses, a skype chat with Mum and Dad, snow angels, late nite Turkish food, lots of laughs and fun times, and a few tears too. Happy tears.